3:55 AM - 16/11/24

 So, let's start at the beginning. 

I actually say no to Iyan so that he won't come over today. My intention was of course because I want to be alone, but was more so that I could focus on my Anki. 

Well, even though I don't wanna him to come over, I actually wanna do my Anki outside. Just feeling a bit of changing the place might get me some positive energy and not being so lazy anymore.

While my Anki actually had some progress, I still can't just finished alll of them. In fact, I think I can't even finish half of them. They are just such a slow burn. I'm so bored and lazy so quick. 

I'm at the park for hours, maybe just 2 or 3 hours. But, I'd say it is a good thing to be there. I think my mood has changed to a better one? Not so sure though. 

Btw, here's me and the park:





I don't know why, but yesterday I am feeling so full of hatred and the feeling of don't care anymore and a bit of suicidal too. 

I even self conscious about it, asking myself "why am I so full of hatred and suicidal feelings today?" So weird. I feel just I'm angry at anything. I even insult some of the kids (I assumed) in Facebook. I should've just don't give a care. But I did. I might just want to lash out my anger so I maybe feel a bit good..? I think so. 

All these negative feelings are bad though, so I need something to make my mood more good. 


Comes the steam game I bought with its discount named Kitaria Fables. I played this game almost 5 hours immediately. I am hooked. 

It's a game about a cat that a grandson from someone maybe legend. This world already had a demon king and the hero beaten him, but the calamity start appearing again, this time who will protect the world, though? It must be our mc now! 

There is also a weird thing about the higher ups trying to manipulate the people, don't want people using magic, and just making the history a secret from society. 

It's like our enemy is the government and monsters now. 

I quite like it. 

This game indeed improved my mood. But now it's already 4 AM. I need to sleep. Man, because of that game, I just forget about time. 

Here's me. 


Btw, when I starting typing this diary, there are thunderstorms just suddenly appear and make loud noise and shaking my room. It really feels like a jumpscare. I'm so startled, because I'm focusing on my diary about what to write. 

Even now, there is still the noise of thunder going around the skies. Feels like a sign for a big rain. The weird thing is, it's not that cloudy and there is no sign that it will be raining yet, even for a little bit of rain. Not even some windy air. So weird. 


Whatever, I am tired and I need some resting. I hope today is gonna be a good day, even with the starting of the noisy/rumbling thunder in the sky. 

I'm hoping that despite all these, I'll get a good sleep. 

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