3:07 AM - 09/11/24

 It's friday. I'm getting panicky because this might be just the final day to do stuff.

Turns out called the guy, Brother Cahaya (not my actual brother, we just have the same clan name), was a good decision. I was not gonna rely on him because me and him kinda just went not-gonna-acknowledge-you mode. But apparently I need to get RT and RW signatures first to get the head of the area's signature. So that's good. 

I've done an embarrassing thing though. This keep pop up in my brain as to remind me of how dumb and embarrassing I were.

So like, me, brother Cahaya, and the head of the area. We had a good little chat. And than brother Cahaya get up and go out to take the stamp. I thought I was supposed to wait there, even though if I listen carefully to their conversation I should've known. Then there I was just sitting there for some seconds until I got called out and awkwardly said bye to the head even though he had just said bye to me a few seconds ago. Man, I feel so dumb and embarrassed. When I think about it, oh yeah, he mention he will take the stamp and we will just done afterwards. Idk why I was so slow, I think like I'm overthink many things there. But this thing really stuck on me and makes me angry sometime.

I forgot to mention that at the morning I got a message from Binawan to redo the Rontgen test, so I need to go to Tebet once again. Which I really thought I just need to go there once because of how far it was. Now I need to go there again, AND I need to do the documents too. So at noon I'm just so agitated about how slow things were. There is a moment where I ask Iyan to pick me up, but he really slow. He arrived almost 30 minutes later. Like what??? He told me there is a car in front of him that makes the way slow because the street isn't very spacious. But still, I don't think that alone will take you almost 30 minutes bro...

Mind you I was close in the vicinity. I can go there just takes like 10 minutes. This whole scene just makes me angry because I need to go to Tebet fast, because I don't know if I could make it in time.

After several missturn, I arrived at the clinic, but they are about to close. Apparently at Friday, they close the place a bit early. I meet them when they are chilling and about to get home. But they actually didn't know why I was there, and the oldman told me that there must be some miscommunication happened. He told me about my rontgen result and I actually had something in my results. I have a light scoliosis. The oldman think Binawan was going to do something about it..? Idk. But if I just want to be a caregiver, a job just to taking care of the old people. It should be fine. If however I want to be a flight attendant, then I can't continue anymore.

So basically the oldman said that it doesn't matter if I did it again or not, because a bit of scoliosis wouldn't make me failing the requirement.

Though, knowing I have Scoliosis myself make me very self conscious now, about my back. Now I feel like my back is so stiff and I want to pop it off, but I am scared that the scoliosis might get worse.

It's not that I keep thinking about it, but this too is sometimes keep popping up of my head and making me conscious about that fact. I hate that I always conscious about my back, man!

Now that I've send my documents. Which I hope it got send safely. I'm done and could do anything with free mind. At least for these 2 days. Saturday and Sunday. Until Monday when they will tell me what's the plan afterwards.

I hope Iyan won't go here again after 3 times. I want to be alone and focus on my thoughts and things I want to enjoy.

Well, me:

I look so sketchy and not at all someone that will be a trilingual person. Yeah, I bet someone look at this photo and will assume that I am broke and sucks.

Hmm, let's try another one.

I'm not sure if I look handsome, but at least it's much better than before.

... Looking back at it again makes me feel cringe about the pose I made. But, whatever. I really always harsh to myself. Even though confidence is so important. I need to be more confidence.

Anyway, hope today's gonna be a good-fun day.