2:47 AM - 12/11/24

 Right after I woke up, go downstair and ate lunch, I got a call from Binawan LPK. It was the staff I usually chat with in Whatsapp. She said that because I got scoliosis, I can't continue the process of my enrollment. It's not because that will impact the job, but because I might can't survive in Japan's cold or just the whether. 

I know that I always feel like I felt colder more than people around me when the atmosphere were cold. And I will get hotter too than people when it's hot. Does that have to do with scoliosis, though? I thought it's just a back issue. But well, it is what it is. The staff advice me to take a walking therapy for ortho. And after I'm healing, I could continue my enrollment. She will refund my 5mil Rp. money and send back my documents soon.

Well this sucks. Now I don't know what to do. I already give the AC admin job to Iyan, there is no way I'm backing up now. I need to go doing the therapy. I hope I could. Hopefully the fee for that is not going to be expensive. But first, I need to find a hospital that can do the therapy.


This bad thing make me further feel like I don't wanna do anything, thus I don't. I still running from reality and hoping that I won't get any consequences for this soon. I do think I will at least go to the hospital nearby today, but I really hope I'm not going to be lazy for that. 

What I want now is just to talking to Ricky or playing with friends. I just want some interactions with friends, but I know that even if I could, Ricky isn't really the perfect job for it. As he wasn't the perfect listener or even the good listener. He won't even see the video or link I send to him, he just doesn't even want to connect with me if it isn't interest him. I hate that side of him. We are brothers and friend, but he's not that close friend I want him to be, he might never will be. 

And my other friends? I will always just thinking about the time we hang out and they will just playing together without me, always.

There are times when we play cards games. But not that often.

They are my friends, but I don't feel it. It's like just a friend in name only.

Writing all these makes me sad now, what the hell...

I do feel lonely. I want friends. But, eh, if I do work hard, I will get some friends, eventually. So all I need to do is working hard.


So, while trying to forget about the world, I tried watching a movie. I watched Coco from Disney. And I cried.

I feel like I already watched this before, but I can't quite put it in the timeline when I watched it. I know some of the plot twists, I know about the plot. I think I already watched it, but I don't know the scenes too. They are look new to me. And I cried too at the end. Such a good movie.

Besides that, I watch Natsume Yuujinchou too. Always makes me smiling at the end. Such a good series.

What else, what else... Dandadan, watching mob reaction by GOT Games. Some youtube stuffs. Well, anything of the usual.


Here's me


Do I look good with a stash? Idk. I need to ask for the female. I might try asking to Wulan.

Btw, I hope today will be a good day.

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